Characters: John, Sherlock
Disclaimer: Sadly the characters and the show have nothing to do with me.
Summary: I didn't mean that. Besides, you're more a useful idiot than a useless one. SH John's trying to sleep; Sherlock won't let him. A text conversation between Sherlock and John.
Once again thank you to the marvellous flecalicious for beta-ing this for me.
A Better Definition
We need more milk. SH
I just bought some this morning, what happened to that?
How many times do I have to tell you not to use the milk in your experiments?
You didn’t expect me to actually stop, did you? SH
Stop ignoring me. SH
And don’t sigh so loudly, I’m trying to think. SH
If you’re trying to think stop texting me, I’m trying to sleep!
But we’re out of milk. SH
Well go to the shop and buy some yourself.
Fine, I’ll leave it until tomorrow. I hope you’re happy. SH
Over the moon. Wait why are you texting me this, you’re only downstairs?
Texting helps me think, keeps my hands busy and focuses my mind. SH
Why don’t you just play your bloody violin and leave me in peace?
Mrs Hudson took away my bow. Something about noise levels in the middle of the night. SH
I’m not surprised. Why you insist on torturing that poor thing when you can play perfectly well is beyond me.
I’ve told you, it helps me think. You need to listen more, John. SH
Ha! That’s rich coming from you.
I always pay close attention to everything. I just don’t always act on what people say. There’s a difference. SH
Yeah well next time I tell you to get rid of the decomposing fingers in the sink could you act on what you hear. It took a whole bottle of Dettol to disinfect it.
It was an experiment. I wasn’t about to throw them out when it got to the interesting part, was I? SH
I thought I told you to keep the sighing down? It’s disrupting my train of thought. SH
Wait I didn’t think you had a case on just now? Why are you thinking so hard?
I’m always thinking. SH
Yes, but not usually this hard when there’s no case on.
You’re right, I should let you get some rest; I shall talk to the skull instead. Goodnight John. SH
Sherlock don’t avoid the question.
Sherlock what’s wrong?
Nothing, John. Go to sleep. SH
Not until you tell me what you’re thinking so hard about.
Why does it matter? SH
Because I want to make sure that when I go to sleep the flat will still be intact when I wake up.
Funny. It’s nothing of any importance so don’t worry about it. SH
Please Sherlock, maybe I can help.
Yes I’m a useless idiot, thank you.
I didn’t mean that. Besides, you’re more a useful idiot than a useless one. SH
Thanks, I think.
Look if you don’t want to tell me about it fine, I’ll leave you to brood in silence.
I was just thinking about earlier. SH
Earlier? Is this to do with the case we solved?
Not to do with the case, no. It’s just something that doesn’t quite correlate. Don’t worry, I’ll figure out what it means. SH
You know I still have no idea what you’re on about.
Did you mean what you said? SH
Did I mean what I said when Sherlock? What are you on about? Not all of us are mind readers.
I’m not a mind reader, I merely observe. SH
Whatever. Did I mean what earlier?
When you told Sebastian that we were only colleagues, not friends. SH
Oh. I’m sorry about that Sherlock, it’s just I didn’t want any more people mistakenly thinking we were a couple. I mean Mrs Hudson, Angelo, Harry, the entire police force...just one person who doesn’t think we’re dating! Sorry.
No, I understand. I’m not a good friend. I’m well aware of that John, despite what you and everyone else might think. I just miscalculated. It won’t happen again. SH
Sherlock that’s not what I meant! I do consider you a friend, of course I do. A very close one in fact. I don’t just put up with you because I can’t be bothered to move you know.
Does it honestly matter if people think we’re a couple? As long as we know the truth. SH
I suppose not. Even after I said we were just colleagues he still kept giving me sideways glances.
Sebastian’s always been slow-witted. Worse than Anderson and that’s saying something. SH
Sherlock, stop insulting people’s intelligence just because they aren’t as smart as you.
You agree with me. I can hear you laughing. SH
Ok yes, fine I agree with you. It’s still not polite.
Who cares about being polite? SH
Normal? Boring. SH
Goodnight, John. SH
You’re a close friend too, I suppose. SH
I know. Try and get some rest will you.